


Differences

by egosoffire



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Autism, Autistic Matt, Friendship, Gen, Stimming, Stims, autistic characters, character exploration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 07:56:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7968616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egosoffire/pseuds/egosoffire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt is aware of his differences from a young age. </p><p>Or, in which Foggy helps Matt accept his differences and stimming as an autistic man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Differences

Matt was keenly aware of his differences, long before blindness was added to that list.

Number one: He spoke later than most children. His earliest memories were of his mother trying to make him talk. "Matty, please say Mama," she would beg. He remembered her incessant praying and her pleas of, "just talk to me, Matthew." 

Two: He had always struggled with his senses. Matt could recall a tantrum he'd had when he was six years old and in the first grade. He had been in the school's cafeteria, where a good hundred kids had been herded in for lunch on a rainy day. The chattering and yelling had literally swarmed around him. It felt like the noise was a hand and that hand was wrapped around little Matty Murdock, squeezing him until he couldn't breathe. Six year old Matt couldn't handle that kind of noise. 

He'd screamed his head off, hands on his ears.

"It's too loud!" he screamed. "Stop it!"

Three: His social skills were pretty much hit-or-miss. Yes, being blind from a young age had hurt them too, but Matt had struggled with people long before that. Mostly, it was just the subtle little things that made him feel stuck. Luckily, later in life he would learn new abilities that would make figuring out people's little nueances easier. 

Above all of these things, however, Matt had very distinct sensory needs. He needed little things that stimulated and calmed his mind. When he was little, he'd clench his fists and wiggle his fingers and it just helped him feel better. It felt good. He didn't even acknowledge why he did those things - he just did because it was good.

Stick had struck his needs down pretty quickly.

"You need to know that off, Matthew," he'd ordered one day. Matt could still recall sitting in a dingy warehouse, figeting his hands as he tried to concentrate. He rolled a tiny piece of thread he'd found on the ground between his fingers. "Stop, now." 

"I'm trying to focus," Matt murmured under his breath. "I can't think." 

"Well, cut it out," Matt's mentory ordered him again, firmly. "That and all of your goofy little tics. They're useless and tell me that you're not at all near the level of skill I'd hoped you were." 

"But I..."

"No." 

Matt had heard the suggestion that he might be autistic once. He was about eleven years old and still adjusting to his changing senses, but he distinctly heard the suggestion as it was made by a teacher of his to the school counselor. 

"I mean, it's not that it's exactly a major detriment to him," she said. "I just think that he may fit the diagnostic criteria." 

"Do not bring this up right now," the counselor warned. "Matthew is a smart, quick witted child. He is also a blind orphan. He's going through way too much to properly diagnose something like that, and...it just won't help him right now." 

He filed that into the back of his mind, and the second time he'd heard the suggestion he was twenty-five and in law school.

"Have you ever tried any kind of like...toy or object for that?" Foggy asked, as Matt sat across from him in their room, trying not to move his hands. His final project was making him crazy and the urge to endulge in his 'little tics' as Stick had called him were worse than ever. "I mean, I hope that's not rude. It's just that my cousin Elle is autistic and sometimes she likes to use..." 

Matt heard all of Foggy's statement, but had fixated, then on that one word - autistic.

"I'm not..." 

Foggy's breath had quickened considerably at that. Matt could tell her was terrified.

"I didn't mean anything by it," he assured. "I just noticed that you sometimes do those stim things like Elle does and I figured, yeah, lots of people do that. I didn't mean to like armchair diagnose you or something. It's just that those tools are pretty cool for anyone - they're like little things to mess with to keep yourself focused and together." 

"Oh, okay." 

After that, Matt had tried his very best to casually question Foggy about his cousin. He knew that he was fooling nobody with his questions, but Foggy graciously taught him what he knew about autism, stimming and sensory issues. He was gentle, sweet and encouraged Matt's research. 

Matt realized through this reasearch that - diagnosed or not - he was probably autistic. He also learned that there was zero shame in it. Those self-satisfying urges, those annoying tics that his mentor had yelled at him about were just stims, they felt good, and they helped him get control of himself.

His best friend was his support. Foggy anchored Matt to earth. He was patient and wonderful and they quickly grew up together. Thanks to Foggy, Matt was able to grow up with a little bit more understanding of himself.

"Happy birthday Matt!" Foggy declared, handing over a tony box. "Or, er, happy early birthday, since your birthday is tomorrow and all." 

"Why would you give me something early?" 

"Cause," Foggy replied with a grin Matt could hear, "I got you something else, this came early and I have never been good at waiting. Now open it." 

Matt unwrapped and opened the box. He then took out a small item. It was a necklace chain with a charm at the end. The charm was a small set of interlocking rings that twisted and turned, interlinking with one another into a sphere. Matt ran his fingers over the ball, twisting it between his fingers. 

"Elle helped me pick it," he said enthusiastically. "She told me about this store online that gives a lot of money to an autism charity. You can wear it around your neck, or keep it in your pocket or something like that." 

Matt rolled the ball in between his fingers, feeling the metal links creek. 

It felt nice. He loved it.

"I love it," he said. It was great and meant so much to him. "Foggy, I..." 

"Oh just wait until your real birthday." 

Yeah, Matt had differences. He'd never be 'normal' but with friends like Foggy, everything was all okay.


End file.
